Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize