Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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