Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
