UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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