Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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