there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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