im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
