New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Randomize
