He disabled his match.com account in front of me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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