So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
