You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
