Pants 0. Shit 1.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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