It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
