I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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