I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
