So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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