Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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