Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
