He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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