i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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