im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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