i jhust puked up my retainher.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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