I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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