A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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