arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
