What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Couch. On fire.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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