The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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