I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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