It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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