she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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