Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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