I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
