I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
