i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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