he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
