I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
