We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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