Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
