Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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