Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
