Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
