I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize