I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
time to smoke my breakfast
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
