my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
