I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's blow job season.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
