you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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