just come out here and I will go home with you...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
