alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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