Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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