we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
