i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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