Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
