Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
