Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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