its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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