I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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